Knowing > Feelings

Why is it that some of the saddest moments or feelings mostly tend to come after a moment of tremendous joy and good news? 

Just imagine that you were happy about something, could be a job or a relationship and some moments later, you become sad and have almost the exact opposite feeling of what you once felt.

A friend walked up to me and told me how that he asked a lady to be his, she said YES, he was happy but just two weeks later, he started feeling unhappy and thoughts about if he made a bad move filled his heart.

He was sincere enough to tell me the lady didn't do anything wrong.

So that I am clear on what advice to give, I asked him, 'How long have you both known?'

He said 3 years. Then, what he was feeling cannot be the consequence of infatuation nor was it situationally or environmentally influenced. 

I mean, a guy who has been desiring a lady for three years and she said 'Yes' to him and then almost immediately starts feeling unhappy. 

This applies to securing a job too. 

By default as humans, we operate based on our feelings. 

It takes maturity, accumulation of knowledge and experience to be able to connect dots and identify patterns better to make decisions that are beneficial on a long term.

This is how you deal with this.

Firstly, you should acknowledge how you feel. The easiest way to escalate a feeling is to deny it. It will only grow that way. 

Secondly, ask yourself why you think you are feeling this way. is it because of the environment, job location, fear of commitment etc.

Thirdly, define what are the things that are most important to you as per personal, life and career goals. Does the job align with helping you achieve these? 

If it's relationship, you should list the important qualities in the person you really want & like and you KNOW will help achieve your goals and you can contribute to his/her goals too, if your values align and why you know you will be happy with the person.

Fourthly, what made you accept the job offer in the first place, make the career switch, ask out the lady or say YES to a guy in the first place?

If you are convinced you made the right choice, do the fifth thing. 

Fifthly, pray. I know this doesn't sound 'steeze-ly', shey? 

But I tell you, if you ignore this aspect, you will make too many decisions too early, at the wrong time or a totally wrong choice. 

Prayer can truly put your feelings under control. Trust me on this!

Sixthly, step out boldly to give your best in that job, make the career switch and commit to making the relationship  work (if the other person wants it to work too.)

My philosophy about relationship especially is to always give people the opportunity/room to make their choice whether to stay or leave. 

Show genuine interest, show care, show support, show availability as much as you can spare but give people the room to make their choice whether to send you the offer letter or stay with you. 

To make this even clearer, when you sense a feeling of doubt from the company or a client that has reached out to you for a job or a lady/guy you like, because you want the job or the person as your honeycomb, you should spend sometime praying but learn to be still and don't force it. 

After much study, I found out that people stay longer and happier with others when they by themselves convince themselves to stay.

Not the other way round. If you convinced a person to stay with you, you will need to keep convincing them to stay and the day you chill, they will leave.  Trust me!

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Oluwapelumi Awe