Why Gaslight Me? 1

Now let's talk about 'Gaslighting'.

'Gaslighting' is an ancient way of manipulation.

It's to manipulate a person with the intention that the person feels guilty or takes the position that the gaslighter pleases.

Simply put, saying what makes a person question his/her person, perception and act.

Some bosses are 'Gaslighters'.
Some guys are 'gaslighters'. Some ladies are 'gaslighters'.

Our world is full of them.

Workplace: Your boss can be a gaslighter. She talks down on your effort or your work so that when she adds more to your work you won't push back.

Some bosses gaslight their staffers to the point that a staff can doubt his/her ability and all of a sudden think he/she is not good enough anymore.

Sometimes you find victims anxious and afraid when they want to go to work and submit a task.

In relationship: It's worse here.
He says things to make you feel guilty when in actual fact, he is the one to be blamed.

When the relationship for one party is just a flex affair or one person who was once committed wants to break up, these are times when gaslighting is at its peak. You hear 'It's not you, it's me that's at fault, let's break up '.

Holding a person at ransom at a critical point of need is gaslighting.

SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH A GASLIGHTER
- You don't feel secured like you use to
- You feel less confident and doubt your ability now
- You now cry too quickly
- You start doubting your reality
- You second-guess yourself
- You feel you will be useless if you leave
- You overreact and can't recognize yourself anymore.

WHY DO PEOPLE GASLIGHT?
For 40%, they want control.
For 30%, they just want to use the victim and take at least two of these -money, time, energy...-
For 10%, they want revenge. Revenge is always built on pain that's not going away with the false hope that the only way it can go away is if someone else is made to feel the same.

Now to the big question.

How to beat gaslighting or break out of a cycle of gaslighting?

Humans are easiest to gaslight when they are madly in love with someone than the other person is in return or in desperation it could be for a job since unemployment is high or for something else , ignorant or need validation or they are just scared . Simply, your vulnerable moments.

Gaslighters are actually weak.

HOW TO BEAT A GASLIGHTER

1. Stop seeking validation. You are incredible even without being told.
2. Improve yourself to the point that even if you choose to leave a place or relationship so that you can preserve your peace, it's impossible for you to be down for too long.
3. Choose your better half carefully. There are people you meet and you will doubt your essence and believe you are useless. Marry a person who is kind, sweet, peaceful and importantly has healed 100% or to a good degree. The world is full of wounded people.
4. Set boundaries. For instance, someone calls you a fraud 'Please don't call me that again'. Reject compliments that are negative.
5. Don't be too soft. People will step on you for as long as they know they can. Stop crying every time right before your gaslighter . Be bold.
6. Leave. Break up the relationship or resignation are options when your peace is tempered seriously.

Let me end with this.....

In all you do, be kind, true, pure but most importantly, be *bold*.

Be courageous to love yourself and fight for your peace by all means even if it means, to leave.

Some losses are actually profits.

Thank you truly. 

Sò gbò?

Oluwapelumi Awe