Why Ghost Me?🥲

What I am about to share with you is from a deep research and a conclusion drawn from many conversations.

To ghost someone means to suddenly withdraw without notice a show of affection and expression of love towards someone.

When a guy meets a lady and then they seem to have a good rapport and things are unfolding very fast, there seem to be a divine connection that suggests love and signal a potential life union. 

Sometimes there's this rush of emotion of 'You complete me' from one person to the other person or from both sides.🥰

This can carry on for a while until a certain time or phase where one person suddenly becomes unavailable to feed the other person's emotions and yieldings like before. 

This unavailable person becomes very cold. The victim can sometimes get very depressed.

A person who is been ghosted can find it hard to believe that he/she has been ghosted. 

I have seen people breakdown for months as they didn't learn the science of managing being ghosted. 

In my deep research, there are three things that holds any relationship and the absence of this is the beginning of being ghosted. 

1. Prompt response

2. Details

3. Expression of feelings 

Let me pick one after the other

1. Prompt response: At the early phase of a relationship or let me say connection, there's prompt response to messages from both parties. The guy can't be online and not respond to the lady's message once he sees it likewise the lady. 

Usually someone who wants to ghost you will intentionally leave your message to stay for 5 or more hours before responding to your message. The goal is to kill the possibility of chat continuity or your present energy at the time. 

2. Details - I believe very strongly that one of the strongest pillars of communication in relationship are 'details'. I believe this 100%. It's in the details, we know ourselves more, we can fill the room to care and ask questions. 

The individual hoards details all of a sudden and now response with 'fine' or 'Yes' or 'Nothing sha' to an open-ended question. 

3. Expression of feelings or gratitude - Deep sincerity can be felt. You can feel when the other person means it but this time around it is lifeless no matter how faked and you will feel something isn't right here. 

I know someone will argue and say, what if I am busy I may not be able to to give details of everything. 

Well, what I am saying is that once two of these or all three are beginning to fade , I can almost bet that your relationship is headed south if action isn't taken swiftly. 

Why do people ghost?

Please bear in mind that everytime I use 'She or her', it could have been 'He or His'.

1. Your assignment has finished. As painful as this sounds, it's what it is . 

When she got into a deep connected state with you, she was just leaving a relationship of pain and there was an emotional need that she needed someone to fill and you came by. She didn't necessarily like you to be in a relationship with you but liked the fact that she found someone who cares about her enough to listen. When she is able to stand on her own, your job is done. 

2. You have become stale and boring. There's nothing fresh about you that makes you a delight to look forward to meeting. 

I mean not even a project, a plan, a progress report, all you talk about are problems and unreasonable issues. She endured you when she needed succour.

3. She never liked you but held unto you for a potential benefit and once she got it, 'Bye'. 

4. It was her way of paying back for the hurt she went through in the hands of a guy. 

She will start by drawing you in, act lovingly and then when she knows that you are into her, she withdraws strongly. 

5. She didn't know what she really wanted. 

6. She likes you but you are troublesome, she needed peace and didn't know how to tell you so she chose to withdraw but can return when there's a change in attitude or character.

7. She found someone else that matches her kind of man. 🥰

8. She just wanted to be left alone. 

These are the top 8 reasons I have seen ladies ghost guys and guys ghost ladies. 

How To Manage Being Ghosted

First, let me pray that you don't ever experience the hurt of being ghosted after a long time together. It's a difficult place to be. 

1. You must understand that ghosting is a human possibility. 

You should be careful how you grant people access into your heart and more so into the most precious information about you. Don't be too soft. When people know they can manipulate you, they will. 

2. Build mental toughness. 

Some days back I wrote about this. Decide not to be so fazed by disappointment that you cry for too long. 

One of the most powerful captions that can deliver you is 'There is more'. 

Regardless of who left or is leaving, there's more.

3. Limit how much your joy depends on a guy or a lady. 

When people know that they are the source of your joy, most times they will hurt you. 

Learn how to stay joyful from within regardless. 

4. Build your self esteem intentionally. Freshen up and look awesomeeeeeeeeeee.

Take yourself out and stay strong. 

You are more powerful than you think you are.

5. There should be someone in your life that you can call when you are down. 

6. Pray. Trust me, prayer is a strengthener. Prayer can even in the first place, order your steps only to the right person.

7. Be open-hearted. Don't allow one person's display of ignorance affect how you love and care. 

8. See someone ghosting you as God's way of delivering you from a potential evil. He knows the best and will insist that the good go so that you can find the better.

9. Move on. Work on your dreams and aspirations. I assure you that the universe will bring your way someone who will love and care for you.

10. Work on yourself. Improve your character and attitude. Get better. 

There are more but I will stop here. 

I hope you got value from this. 😊

Kindly tell me, if you have you ever been 'ghosted' and how did you deal with it?.

P-s: Not everyone can stay with one person for long. It takes discipline to choose to stay with one person despite other options.

I want you to win 😊

Oluwapelumi Awe